Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
