The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
