honey bunches of taint.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
