AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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