You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
