guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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