I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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