I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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