Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
