Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
