you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
