I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my being single is dangerous.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
