She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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