Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
