Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
