Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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