you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
