We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
