Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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