Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
