Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
