last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
