Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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