a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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