we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
