Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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