I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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