We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
