I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
