My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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