if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
