omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
