He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
