People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
