In the future we'll all be gay
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
