i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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