so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
