tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
