I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
