last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
