wakey wakey hands off snakey
so let's talk penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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