a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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