I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
