Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
