Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
