I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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