Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My bed smells like the plague
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
