That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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