Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
