i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
