found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
