His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
